The End is the Beginning – Dating after Divorce

I always knew that I would publish a book; I never thought it would be about a relationship I kept hidden for years. Writing about my experience was my first form of therapy (yes, I’m in actual therapy now; 10/10 highly recommend).

It took a long time for me to get comfortable with the idea of publishing something so personal, especially when it made me look like the asshole.

But I published it anyway. I only had everything to lose, no biggie.

I couldn’t believe it when…a few weeks later, strangers started DMing me about how they connected with my book.

You mean to tell me that others were going through what I was going through? 

But when these same strangers started coming to me for romantic advice I was –

I had written a quasi-fiction romance novella and somehow this made me an expert on love?  

Apparently it did.  

Not.

Cuz I still didn’t know shit!

But the more I spoke to people, the more I wanted to help. Sometimes others influence you to take that next step that will change your life, although you definitely don’t know it at the time.

I was still as clueless as they were when it came to dating. Maybe even more so, I had been out of the dating game in so long that I was still calling it the dating game.

I enrolled my ass into dating and relationship coaching courses and, 6 months later, got certified.

Then something shifted at home…and I first noticed it when I realized that my husband was going out every Friday after work. He would come home half-drunk and full-on annoying. There’s nothing more annoying to a sober person than a drunk one.

Then things here and there began to snowball: missed dates, less affection, nonexistent sex life, little things we used to do together became tasks I tackled on my own because he was out with “friends” again.

The little things…aren’t so little.

As my marriage glass house began to shatter, I saw my relationship mirrored in the counseling I had been taught.

My marriage had been built on a carefully constructed foundation of red flags that I had ignored when we first started dating as teenagers.

And it needed to be destroyed.

Silver lining?

I had some insight into marriage. Albeit, failed marriage, but marriage nonetheless. I was bound to learn something in ten years!

What did I learn?

I’m one toxic bitch.

How the fuck did I even get this way? How long can I blame my shit attitude towards relationships on mommy and daddy issues? My therapist says as long as I need to. Bless that woman…I wonder if she would adopt me?

Relationship counseling made me come to terms with some facts about myself. I had never, ever since I started dating at 16, been single.

I also never lived alone. I never had that peace with myself that comes from living alone. I had gone from my parents’ house, to the dorms, to living with my now ex.

I never really found myself along the way; I was never alone because I was scared to be.

When did I realize my marriage was over?

I would start at the beginning but you don’t want that…that’s honestly too boring. There were a few years of the honeymoon phase, and they were fun, blackout days at the time.

Of course, looking back, it’s probably a bad sign that I needed to be drunk for almost everything.

But let’s skip ahead.

Why don’t I tell you about the day I met Alex, while I was grocery shopping?

The yummiest cop I ever laid my eyes on.

He was married just like I was.