Dating again after a breakup

How soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup? It can be tempting to jump into another relationship immediately after a breakup; even casual dating can be a welcome distraction after an “uncoupling.” But are you really ready to move on?

Don’t get hung up on a specific timeline for you to get over your ex, there are several factors that can play into it. How long were you together? How serious was the relationship? How bad was the breakup? Was it mutual or was there cheating involved? Do you share any kids together or was it a friends-with-benefits situation? Sometimes, none of these factors even matter, because we all have that one person that it took us months to get over and we also have that one person that we got over before we even broke it off.

Here’s what does matter, though.

Are you still obsessing over your ex?

Are you still in pain from the breakup?

Is there a part of you that still believes you and your ex belong together?

If you answered yes to any of these, then you are not ready to start dating. You need to be in a mental state where you fully understand why it is best for you and your ex to not be together. You need to have learned a few lessons from that relationship, lessons that you can now take with you to your future relationships.

You must also be in a place where you are happy with yourself. High self-esteem is a must for dating, because, unfortunately, it is slim-pickins out there and Tinder culture has really changed the dating world. You need to thick skin if you are going to have a fighting chance out there.

You need to have a positive outlook about the future of your love life. I know, I know, easier said than done, especially after another breakup, but if you’re not in a positive place, other people are going to be put off by your negative energy. Rmember, you attract what you put out.

If you venture out and start dating again, and you find yourself comparing everyone to your ex, then it may be a sign that you are not ready to date. Your ex is too fresh on your mind for you to properly give a new potential partner a proper chance.

If you start dreading the thoughts of dating once you start again, then you should probably hold off for a while. Dating should be fun and adventurous, not something you should be pressured into.

Don’t start dating again to make yourself feel better, either. It can encourage co-dependency in your life, and it might attract predatory types who take advantage of vulnerability.

It’s ultimately up to you to decide when you’re ready, but it is best to take some proper time to heal and for personal growth. Once you are able to differentiate “not wanting to be alone” versus feeling whole on your own, that is when you will be more selective, and you will attract someone of quality who can positively add to your life. You’ll learn to prioritize chemistry and compatibility.

Until then, enjoy the single life, it can really be amazing to rediscover yourself!