Do you self-sabotage?

Have you noticed a pattern in yourself when you have been dating someone new for a while? Do these habits usually fuck up your relationship?

Is this you?

Are you rigid in the way people treat you and easily disappointed by little things? Do you expect everyone to disappoint you and you are on edge, waiting for it to happen?

Do you tell yourself the relationship wont work because you’re not good enough? 

Do you avoid talking about problems in your personal life because you believe your partner will only love you if you’re easy to be with? 

You do not set boundaries (with yourself and others).

You do not communicate your expectations.

You break promises you make to yourself.

You’re constantly testing your partner’s love for you.

You have a checklist of “needs” that no one ever meets and is realistically unattainable.

You push people away because the “timing” isn’t right. 

Negative core beliefs are developed in childhood and are the main driving force behind self-sabotaging behavior. Identifying these toxic behaviors is one of the first steps towards a healthier mindset and positive actions. ​

​-Make a list of the negative patterns that you repeat: what toxic behavior do you need to take responsibility for and change? 

– Try to keep a journal just so you can work through your thoughts and feelings.
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– Develop self-compassion. Don’t be so hard on yourself! 

​- Train yourself not to act on negative thoughts. Instead, write them down first and take action later, when your mind is clear. 
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– Keep your goals simple and start small, work on them everyday.

You got this!

When I realized that my insecurity and paranoia was going to kill my relationship, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t allow it to happen again. I was sabotaging all my relationships by bringing all my old (relationship and childhood) baggage into the present.

I literally quit cold turkey, as if I was a nicotine addict.

Over time, it gets easier to not check phones, emails or dig through underwear drawers to see what you might find.

Like a wise friend told me once, “If you go looking for something, you’re going to find it.”

Yes, he said this because his own gf was going through his shit and finding incriminating evidence of him cheating on her, but I took this a different way.

I hadn’t found anything shady for years on my bf’s phone, so why torture myself and keep searching and speculating? Was I going to keep searching until I found anything to piss me off? I didn’t want to be that person and thank God I never did.